What Great Communicators Need To Know

Especially If They Want To Be Great Friends, Lovers, Mates, Parents, Siblings, Coaches, Teammates,

Teachers, Students Bosses, Co-Workers, Therapists, Counselors, Doctors, Lawyers, & Chiefs.  

Copyright:  P. Michael Chilton

 People communicate and process information in three ways:  Visual.  Auditory.  Kinesthetic.

Most people are predominately visual, auditory or kinesthetic when giving out and taking in information.  However:   

a)      A person can communicate visually and be an auditory or kinesthetic processor.    

b)      A person can communicate in an auditory or kinesthetic manner and process information visually. 


Adjusting The Manner In Which One Gives Out Information To Accommodate The Manner In Which Another Takes In Information Is The Key To All

Successful Personal & Professional Relationships.

Visual communicators ‘talk’ with their hands a great deal; they are illustrating – painting a mental picture – of what they are thinking and saying.  Their ‘hand talk’ tends to be several inches in front of their bodies at or above the upper chest level.  

 Kinesthetic communicators also ‘talk’ with their hands to draw the attention to what they are communicating.   Their ‘hand talk’ is closer to their bodies at or between the lower chest and waist.  They also touch themselves and others - if possible – to draw the person’s attention to what is being communicated.    They need physical touch to process what they and others are thinking, saying and feeling. 

 Feelings are important to kinesthetic processors.  This is why they like to ‘get in touch’ with what others are feeling by touching them or standing or sitting in close proximity to others when conversing with them so they can ‘get in touch’ with the feeling in the person’s emotional energy field.

 Because of their need to be ‘up close and personal’ in order to communicate and process information, kinesthetic people appear warm, friendly, affectionate and sympathetic to some while to others they appear needy, overly sympathetic, and clingy.   They can also appear seductive or predatory even when this is not their intent. 

 Auditory communicators rarely talk with their hands.  However, they often tap their fingers or feet – as well as hum and make other vocal sounds. Familiar sounds reassure and comfort them.  They also use sounds to call attention to what they are communicating. 

 People who process information in an auditory manner use sound in two ways:  1:  They use sound to focus their concentration and 2.  They use sound to distract themselves from what they don’t want to listen to, deal with, or process.  (Which of these an auditory student is doing while listening to music or other background sounds can only be determined by how well the student retains what he/she studies – grades on tests are one indicator of this.) 

 Auditory communicators process information in logical sequence with sentences that have a beginning, middle and end.  This need for well thought out communication causes auditory processors to speak and think in a slow, deliberate manner and to think before they speak.  This can make them appear to be deep thinkers to some and or dull and dim witted to others. Which an auditory processor is can be better determined by what they say than how slowly they say it.

 Visual communicators jump quickly and easily from one thought, sentence, and topic to another.  A few words are all a visual communicator needs to complete the mental picture of what they are communicating.

 Visual processors need only a few words to paint for themselves a mental picture of what they think others are thinking, saying and feeling.  This is why those who intake information visually have a tendency to interrupt others.  They are impatient with many words when a few are all they need.

 On the other hand - words can be misleading – particularly when words hold different meanings for those speaking and those listening.  Visual processors can leap so far ahead of what others are saying they leap to the wrong conclusion by painting the wrong mental picture of what is being said or painting so many mental pictures of their own thoughts they confuse these with the mental pictures of what the speaker is saying.

 The ability of visual communicators to process information rapidly can make them appear flighty, spacey and of shallow intellect to some people and quick witted, clever and bright to others.  Which a visual communicator is, can better be determined by what a visual communicator says than how quickly they say it. 

 The rapid-fire communications of people who can process information visually

can make auditory or kinesthetic processors mentally dizzy and  physically ill.

 Visual communicators and visual processors unconsciously see mental images or pictures of what they and others are saying, thinking and feeling.  These mental images or pictures are in the visual area of their energy field.  Which is why visual communicators and visual processors can become disoriented and ‘shut down’ when a person stands or sits in close proximity to them.  They have difficulty being supervised when that supervision is physically too close.  It is also why they can appear to be distant, aloof, cold, standoffish, unemotional, and unloving even when they are not.     

 Visual communicators often break eye contact because of their need to ‘look up’ (their eye balls actually flick upwards) and mentally see the pictures in their visual field in order to keep track of what they are saying.  Those who intake (process) information visually also need to break eye contact to see the mental images of the information they are taking in.

 People who are extremely visual break eye contact frequently – they have to in order to process information – which can make them appear shifty-eyed.  A very important point to keep in mind when one is seeking to determine the innocence or guilt of very visual person!   

Auditory communicators tend to keep a steady gaze on the persons they are talking to and auditory processors need to keep a steady gaze on the persons talking to them.  When they do break eye contact it will be a quick flick to the left or the right (not upwards) or sometimes downwards toward the opposite hand than they write with, depending upon which part of the brain is doing the processing.  

NOTE:  Those who process information in an auditory manner must see the mouth of those speaking to them.  They cannot process information when the speaker turns or looks down or away from them.  Students who are auditory processors should always sit where they can see the teacher speaking and teachers should never speak to a classroom when their backs are turned or they are looking away from the class.  

 The direct, steady gaze of auditory communicators can cause discomfort for some and make them appear very trustworthy to others; which one an auditory communicator is should be determined by their character and what they say, not their steady gaze.  . 

 Kinesthetic processors need tactile communication and they need to pause frequently in the conversation or lecture to digest the information being given them and to assess the feelings being generated by what is being communicated.    People uncomfortable with pauses in conversation (particularly visual communicators) will often want to ‘jump into’ those pauses.  This confuses and often overwhelms the processing of a kinesthetic person and can cause them to ‘shut down’ mentally and sometimes emotionally as well. 

 Visual communicators do not need to see the people they are speaking to.  They have no problem talking to people whose backs are turned, people who are not looking at them and people who are out of sight but within hearing range.  Visual processors can be talked to when their backs are turned, their faces turned away, and they are in the next room – as long as they are close enough to hear the words, which their minds then process visually.     

 Auditory and kinesthetic communicators and processors need the people they are communicating with to be physically present and auditor processors need to see the person speaking to process that communication.

CAUTION:  Avoid Speaking To Any Person Operating Machinery – Including Driving A Car

Who Is Auditory As They WILL Turn Their Head To See You Speaking.


 Visual processors learn well through reading and like to highlight, underline and/or take notes of what they are reading for later review.  They also like to take notes during lectures, particularly if they are kinesthetic as well.

 Auditory processors do MUCH better when they can HEAR what they are learning.  These students need to read out loud and record what they are reading OR they can underline or highlight what is important and record what they have underlined and outlined for later review OR they can use the pause button on and off as they read to record the important points for later review.  This is so important for auditory learners that it is well worth investing in a digital recorder. 

 Auditory processors do not take notes well in class because they cannot look down to write and look at the speaker at the same time.  If possible, they need to record what is told them during lectures by the teacher or other students.  Even better, they can use self -suggestion to train themselves to remember and recall perfectly everything they hear that is important.  A ‘trigger’ technique is helpful to this:  A student can tap or rub a pencil or pen or hand or finger or their own arm or leg or hip a given number of times when they hear important points to remember that information and tap the same or a different number of times (their choice) when they want to recall that information – say for recording or during testing. 

 Helpful Hypnotist Hint For EVERYONE Taking Tests:   When you come to a question you cannot immediately answer, but know it is something you have learned, mentally say to yourself:  “Subconscious, bring that answer to me now” then move on to the next question.  When the answer pops into your mind, go back and write it down.  

Self-suggestion (sometimes called auto-suggestion) and ‘trigger’ techniques for memory and recall work for everyone.  They work by repetition; the more one uses them, the more a conditioned response they become.  One is training the subconscious – which has perfect memory –

to recall what is wanted ‘on command'”.



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